via iwrotethisforyou

You taught me what this feels like.
And then how it feels to lose it.
And you showed me who I wanted.
And then who I wasn't.
And you ticked every box.
And then drew a line.
And you weren't mine to begin with.
And then not to end with.
And you looked like everything I wanted.
And then became something I hated.
And you get thought of every day.
And then not in a good way.
And you let me leave.
And then wish I'd stayed.
And you almost killed me.
But I didn't die.

i & love & you

i cant get over how sincere these boy's voices are. it hurts my soul so good.

im ready for some avett good hurt.

kiki love tech.

tea room time-out.

i feel like im being eternally punished. that its completely my fault for all that isnt "normal". that im just plain crazy for having feelings, thoughts, and emotions and being just plain fragile as every human is.

some kid decided i wasnt worth enough to be treated as a friend, and all have followed.

i have such anger built up inside of me that even the thought of anything or anyone related makes me literally sick. i find myself avoiding all common places. i have taken every picture, message, token, phone number, and scrap connected and put it out of sight and out of mind. i cant listen to music, watch movies or tv, nothing. i sleep. i avoid.

i just want to leave. the people i thought were the greatest in my life just turned out dissapointing. its even gotten to the point that when i do see them, i made to feel guilty about not coming around. that its my fault that i cant bring myself to be around because my heart breaks and fumes.

its stupid because people side with me, but then make me feel like i take it too far... like i should give without even the slightest of apology. but im done. so completely entirely done of waiting for that hope of a someday apology. the hope of a realization of things done wrong.

i dont know what to do aside from saying, dont worry, youve done nothing wrong, continue living your life thinking that way, just live without me in it.

i heart disney.

"I can never stand still. I must explore and experiment. I am never satisfied with my work. I resent the limitations of my own imagination." —Walt Disney

shiny vaio... mmmm.

i am typing this blog from my new computer. 

bit by bit im making ground on my independence.