AVETT LOVE.

Timothy Seth Avett as Darling -- About Love from Cracker Farm on Vimeo.

i heart my fave five.

my birthday was great. i got to spend it with the people i care about the most, and do it right.

will shaved his face for me, and was a sweet date as usual. seeing and hanging out with my high school BFF's was pretty cool, cause i was THAT girl again, its totally different than the krew. and being there with my family is all i ever wanted. i dont really want to go back to bellevue now... tuesday is coming up fast.

but no matter how much i miss it here, life is incomplete in sequim. it just doesnt feel right anymore.

yep,

everybody lets litter!

ellen degeneres... yer NEXT!

today may have been the best day ever.
better than mike from mikes amazing cakes.
better than that black woman from king5.
better than sir-mix-a-lot.

cause i got to meet THIS GUY...


yes, thats right, matt hasselbeck (becky that poster you have is of him!!)

i was freaking out.

two more shifts....

i convinced my mom to let me sleep in the family room on christmas eve so i can soak in as much christmas as i can before its over. this may be the last year we are all here as a family, so its a big one. next year matt & amanda will be waking up at her moms house, and kristi and chris will be waking up at their own. sad.

becky i have to drop off everyones gifts on christmas eve... literally drop off. i want you guys to atleast open them on christmas morning since i cant hang out on christmas eve. and unfortunately my mom is already freaking out about me getting home as late as i am.

we can just do my birthday some other day.

i still havent found anything to get my brother. EF.

i want to watch elf and miracle on 34th street... but i should go to bed. NIGHT.

three more shifts.

and not a single closing shift!! how lucky am i?!

im ready to be home, and for it to feel like christmas!

can i go home yet?!

four more shifts.... four more shifts....

note this was BEFORE i left for SF.

went to bible study last night at mals... i really love it.
but it makes me realize that catholics honestly do it all wrong.
sure we say we are christians living in the catholic tradition... but thats where i feel we go wrong... the tradition.
i dont feel the way we worship really brings us closer to God... we dont really develop a real personal relationship with Him.
we recite we sit we stand we kneel we pray... its a very routine and monotonous.
most of the time kids like my brother and sisters get bored with it all and end up losing their faith.
and that bothers me.
it could just be that i come from three catholic churches who mainly cater to people who came before vatican II... so they havent really followed the times.
but i feel like i have missed out on some of the most trust building times with God... if that makes sence... because i was wrapped up in routine... not thinking in depth.
i dont want to become someone like my sister... who is 25 and doesnt go to church hasnt baptized her two kids because she lost her faith.
i dont want to become my mother who says she is a devout catholic only to just show up to church every sunday but not participate or even live her life Christ-like.
i mean cause thats what being a christian means... to be Christ-like.

last night after bible study mal and i talked for like an hour about this...

i see her and the other girls and i see they know the bible so well, and when they are in a tough spot in their lives their refer to Gods word to get them through it.
catholics almost dont read the bible... so growing up i would never reference it... i would find someone, a tangible human to lean on.
thats been my problem all year... i depended on people to bring me happiness... i depended on people to be my escape... i depended on people to fill the void...
but thats all wrong... cause people are human and they will set you up for dissapointment, they will dissapoint you.
they shouldnt be given that place in your heart, that is where you have God...
you depend on God for your happiness, you depend on God to be your escape, you depend on God to fill the void.

and i understand that, but even after i thought about this last year.... it was a BAD year. nothing went right.

first new years.
fighting with my bestfriend.
akward with another.
then fixing all that... thinking things were going great.
to valentines day and months of issues to follow that.
then my car accident.
my job going down south this whole time.
parental problems going on this whole time.
losing everyone important to me at once.
and the schooling situation with my parents.
then just realizing in my time of need the person i depended on to make it all better wasnt there... and not knowing why he wasnt there.

and as i look back... up until about midway through the valentines day thing i whole heartedly beleived God would make it all better, that it was just life... but then i kept getting hit...
hit after hit after hit of just bad bad things happening. i look back and i couldnt see even just a full week where everything went right.... and so i doubted everything. i didnt understand why me... why everything.

and if i just knew then what i know now i could have gotten through it... i would have been smart enough not to invest so much of myself into a person, but to invest all of that to God. i wouldnt have depended so much of my happiness on others... it wasnt fair, because they never asked for that and when they werent there i did get upset. and i shouldnt have given them that responsibility.

i really hope when i get down to san francisco i can find a group of people who can help me with all of this. because i have needed this for so long

these are the REAL dudes who sing it...

the tetris part is hilarious...

my gift to you.

???

i didnt know what to put in the title for this...

... so i had to finish my shopping today (which i didnt... grrr) so i met my parents in alderwood while they were shopping so i can hang out with them plus get my stuff done. (to reiterate, i didnt get my stuff done.) they took forever to meet me at target cause they were hopping from store to store trying to get there through the crazy saturday before christmas traffic. but i had fun shopping with my mom, and searching for her with my dad throughout the whole store. i opened their eyes to the amazingness that is world market. it was a good day and i was really happy i got to spend it with them a bit...

then we decided to go to dinner... all hell broke loose. matthew and amanda were rear ended on the way to the restaurant.... it was a mess, they are fine, after a visit to the emergency room the baby is fine, the other car is totaled but the driver and passenger are fine. it was a rough time for all of us. so while my mom and i waited for my dad to return with matt and amanda she decided two lemon drops on an empty stomach was a good idea. turns out it wasnt. halfway through the meal matthew accidentally blurted out what my dad had just bought my mom from world market so i started whispering violent hatful things to him and he whispered back that it was an accident.... we were laughing and my mom thought we were laughing AT her so she burst into tears and refuse to eat or aknowledge us for the rest of the night. she wouldnt even hug us goodbye. LAME.

so pretty much that good day was ruined.

on the bright side tom and emily are done.

please?

denali sidka kenai

moses

larry

he who blends with snow (hwbws)

alpine
apache
tundra

arctic (artie)

aspen arctic alpine apache (aaaa!) (quadruple A) (quad) (quat)
black ice.
white power.
todd.
nokia.
white lightening.

for becky... *sigh*

i really want an arctic fox.

new!

Trailer Park | MySpace Video

our little tree...

still going...

dear becky,

you dont post enough.

guilded globes.

golden globes were nominated... and i went to a website to see who's who in hollywood and found a bunch of pictures that made me happy.

so i will share them with you now.

niel patrick harris is nominated for best supporting male actor in a comedy.

oh the nard-dog.

these loverlies announced the nominations. justin is cracking me up, and well, we all know my heart flutters for john. *sigh*

GLEE!

progress.

so my cousin ben has a brian andreas print...

like the books mallory got me into... and it surprised the hurt out of me....

i want it...

"I was waiting for the longest time, she said. I thought you forgot.

It is hard to forget, I said, when there is such an empty space when you are gone."

will is the best.

he is. like such an awesome friend.

he has a facebook... almost just for me.

and i have something to gloat about.

disregard this post.

mon 14 2-c
tue 15 off
wed 16 off
thur 17 2-c
fri 18 2-c
sat 19 7-2
sun 20 1-c

mon 21 2-c
tue 22 7-2
wed 23 1-9
thur 24 12-5
fri 25 off
sat 26 off
sun 27 off

tis the season...

to make lists... fa la la la la la la la la!

i have lists strewn everywhere right now. you can find them at work, in our kitchen, not to mention about 100 in my room. im a list maker, it helps me sort out my head.

so i have to run to michaels.... lets list shall we?

boo's jar
beads for various jewelry...
and earring posts.
ceramic paint
hella paint pens.
canvas.

did i mention the only reason i can do this is because my bank magically deposited $100 to my account... it was just a sweet little thanks for me signing up.

this week the office, community, and glee ruled my life.

im wiped.

i got hella accomplished today. hella. thanks for the hizzelp rebeccalee.

pretzels.... check

cookies.... check

tree.... check

nativity.... check

parents tree.... check

we didnt have time to decorate it... because it was frozen, which even though the soul purpose of me being home was to decorate that damned tree i am so effing tired i welcomed the excuse not to. but the tree this year is beautiful. and we got it so much later than normal it might actually stay pretty green until the big day.

oh btw... my mom realized she left out her christmas list near the computer.... she started yelling at me while simultaneously laughing at her own stupidity. its was pretty funny.... then she just kept saying that they are "ideas" and not what she was thinking about getting me. my mom is a terrible liar.

top chef finale ... shit.
glee ... made me cry... and i loved it.

i am stressing out. big time. about nothing of real importance. stupid silly girl. knock it off. be happy for yourself... for once. c'mon now. smile. stop making things out of nothing. yer being like yer mother. stop that. you are freaking yourself out.

think of the happiest things! its the same as having wings. think of christmas think of snow, think of sleigh bells off we go!!!

i dont really want to go home tomorrow. but i will.

but i did find this diddy today...

notice the goggles... and the lack of lip ring-age.

mixed feelings about mixed snow.

home sweet home... sort of. this trip home was definitely not what i had hoped it to be. and i leaving tomorrow feeling my glass is a little half empty... but it was home.

i just watched my cat run up and down the stairs in the dark... there she goes again.

i was hoping for more family time, more fave five time, and less distractions.

and she goes down the stairs.

im tired, and blatantly im really not happy. maybe its the funeral/party wear.

and down again. STEALTH.

i was hoping to have beck come pick me up from the ferry so i can help my mother decorate and make cookies... but i think i might just hold off.

sorry if i was a disappointing guest for all. mal beck and jess alike.

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn.

i am exhausted this trip around. i cant get enough sleep. then i just feel useless for the rest of the day. our company is old and boring, my cat is currently eating wrapping paper, and all i want to do right now is watch home movies of Christmas' past but our VCR isnt working for some reason.

i didnt stop moving the first day, today i couldnt get going. tomorrow i just want to have fun. unadulterated fun. hmmmm. hopefully.

see the boys in the AM.
see my other boys before they head to record in seattle.

have lunch with hanbanan.
hannafamilytime.

why cant i cut like this?!

http://www.fallenprincesses.com/

i have no memory of who i once was, and i dont remember your name.

im jack johnson saying "hemp necklace!"

its getting lonely round here.

nostalgia makes the past look better, feelings just get in the way.

jimmy fallon is funnier than i thought.

FUCKED.

so, the other night in OH i was at my grandmas house visiting when she mentioned that there was a memorial in the newspaper about my other grandma in the OH paper. i thought to myself that it was weird considering my dad had told me they werent going to do that... then the article mentioned a memorial service on december 5th... which REALLY surprised me because my grandma was very specific on not wanting one. i found out about my own grandmothers memorial through another citys newspaper. so i called my dad and asked him about it and he told me it was something my uncle paul decided to do and he had also just found out about it.

get this,

its also going to be my uncles 60th birthday party.

how fucked is that?!?

away we go.

i was going to post something about jess' christmas present, but then i noticed that she is following me, along with a bunch of other people i had no idea were following me. so for those of you reading this other than becky...(which for a while there i was really just posting to you becky) hello friends! love you all... and i must now watch what i say more carefully. if you have blogs i dont know how to follow you so just drop me a comment with your blog address and i will stalk *cough* i mean follow you!

being myself.

its good to be with people i can be myself with. i think when im away from home thats what i miss the most. being me with people who love me being.

for instance:

i sitting next to a wood stove... quietly crackling and emitting comfort.

i bought this for you today.

guess what!!

i finished miss beckys christmas present just about two minutes ago. and i am so proud of what i have created. id post a picture, but we all know thats a bad idea.... 40 days!!

its 1am.

and i am half way through season 2.

i was alone, so i set a fire... and i wasted it all on you.

its 1am. and im listening to manchester orchestra... and loving their myspace transmissions. wish i could have seen them with brand new.

im ready for christmas baking...

i HEART justin timberlake.

i was in tears.

sony.com/experts

GO THERE.

what can i say, im sad so i cut.

crafting, slowly but surely.

1 day and 20 hours?!?

4 days until...

it isnt always all about you.

have you ever wanted to physically shake that sentiment into anybody before? i do. and all too often at that. my mother would say thats the evil in me. she may be right.

i took the day off.

see you in december.

wont be having thanksgiving in sequim anymore.

who is with me!

i need to be here.

someday my prince will come...

t
i need a mac.

this'll shut you up.

red shirt. yellow buttons. black tights. yellow shoes.

its cool to know other people think about this stuff too.

1) abed sounds EXACTLY like batman
b) these clips at the end of the show are my favorite
#3 i was laughing so hard the whole episode at chevy chase tripping out.

the office wedding...

remember when we were supposed to skype during the office so you could see my reactions?? well, you never answered your phone so i took pictures while i watched.

SURPRISE!

as the office theme starts...

taking a mental picture of the moment.

disgusted by kevin... i think.

commercial break...

loving it!

waiting for it...

i bet you all miss this...

had a little accident.

something cute just happened... you can tell

at this point im weirded out dwight got some.

you cant tell, but i was indeed crying.

loved it.